D.A.V.O.L.U.T.I.O.N.I.Z.E.D

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Trust, Betrayal & Love (Part 1)

The title of this article that iam about the write sounded like those sexual movies where you could find the man cheating on his wife and in return the 'loving' wife would killed the husband with the cooking knife. Now you could imagine how these three different but related ingredients could affect one's relationship in a big way and in...different ways.....trust, betrayal and love ( sounded very cool ar!)

Hell no! If right now you are thinking that iam about to equip you with some few tricks to avoid being murdered while maintaining 'trust, betrayal love' ingredients in one's relationship. In fact Iam about to explain what are trust, betrayal and love and what are the impacts on one's relationship.

You see, if you are looking for a serious relationship, faithfulness is the key to the success of the relationship itself. Once faithfulness is not in it, then betrayal of trust will start appearing in the picture. Of course, lust and temptation would also be there to 'enhance' the relationship as well. Two simple general rules are a flirt is not a good candidate for marriage and anyone who partners a flirt is partnering with failure. Yes! I dare to make these two BIG statements and i have already made it!

Once your partner has flirted with other girls, then it is considered betrayal of trust. He has lost respect for you. Worse still, once a precedent has been set, there are high chances of him flirting again, of course, with other females. What iam trying to emphasize here is flirting destroy one's relationship. Trust comes crumbling down and the relationship is at the verge of failure. But eh? hold on....is trust that important? Well i can tell you TRUST IS EVERYTHING. Trust is like no matter what happens, you know that everything will be alright and that your partner will always be faithful to you, yes, you alone and no body else! Without trust, what's the use of having a relationship? And...what's the use of having a relationship when you are feeling insecure? Why would you trust a man when he tells you that he is in love with you while his action doesnt show it?

Maybe in some cases, one party may wanted to repair the damage and save the relationship. But before you make a contingency plan ( gosh i love this word ' contingency') ask yourself, how many times he has done it and how many chances you have given him?
there's a saying that goes, 'once bitten, twice shy, twice bitten, shame on me.' So if your boyfriend has betrayed you for the 2nd time, then shame on you. Well maybe some of you reading would say that forgiveness is the essential ingredient in one's relationship too. Well i have to agree with you all. BUT.... there are some times when the guilty partner receives forgiveness from the victim partner, has the guilty partner TRULY learned from the lesson and appreciated what he has received? If yes, why would there be a second time of betrayal of trust?
Ask yourself. You see, sometimes it is very easy to take things for granted when u could seek forgiveness so easily especially when the partner ( usually female) are the soft hearted kinds. When the betrayal of trust hit the 2nd time, the victim partner must wake up and walk away from the relationship. Anyways, action speaks louder than word..... if his action has proven that he is not a good candidate for long term relationship and marriage...why are you still here???
Again, ask yourself. No crime is bigger than a flirt in one's relationship and the flirting party should be sentenced to death.

In this civilized and modern world. it is impossible not to include money and career in a love discussion. Well in this case, iam not referring to those certain people who are eyeing love just for money. If u thought of this, then u have misunderstood me indeed. In fact iam saying that love needs money to survive too, especially when you are thinking of marriage life later. Well since iam not a working adult nor a married man, i would like to tell you about this from a 21 years old college student's prospective. In this competitive world, especially in Asia countries, education is the most important asset that one has or must have. You see, let's be realistic, it shows your status in one's society and reflects your mentality as well. But wait, what it has to do with love anyways? Well it is a very simple logic. If one posesses a good qualification, one will get good career and good career comes with high salary. If one were to think of getting into serious relationship, getting married, buying a house and bringing up few children of your own, then it will involved money. And now who says love and money do not click together??? But ask yourself, is your partner going to the same direction as yours? Is he sharing the same dream as yours? Is he doing something bout it? Does his qualification or the field he wanted to join is on demand in the market? Is he doing well in his studies? Is he up to the standard as yours? Is he able to graduate at the same time or before you with the same standard of qualification that you are pursuing? With the amount of time given, should he be where he is at now? Is he trying hard enough? Well maybe some of you reading this would critisize me for being so realisitc. But let's face it, when love is in fantasy dream land, it is not true love afterall as it has not face the hard knocks in the world but if a love remains still love after experiencing difficulties, then it is true love indeed.

Well i was born and raised in a middle class family. But i believe that with hard work and prayers, i could succeed in the very near future ( amen!) so that i could have a good life and provide the finest things in life for my parents and my future family. I have this mentality and this is what has been keeping me going throughout my education journey. I call it 'motivation.'
You see, when you are with your partner (especially for females), again, you have to ask yourself that how many chances u have given your partner to prove himself in his studies? Maybe he has started to work hard or maybe he has started to change. Maybe it is not enough. Maybe it is not sufficient for both of you to build a family and grow old. Maybe both of you are not meant to be. It started back then and it ended here. Maybe last time if the partner were to work hard and excel in his studies, then he is faithful and has plan for the relationship's future ( commitment) but if he has been foolling around and screwed up his studies (which is closely connected to the relationship) then it is also a form of betrayal of trust as he has breached the commitment of the relationship.

Maybe he would say that he would be rich someday...yah someday...but what are his plans of getting rich or even earn sufficiently to provide for his future family? If he cant even manage his own personal finances and in fact, burden himself with debts and not able to repay, what has he proven so far? Yes, maybe he has proven something: that he is not capable of handling long term relationship. There must be some real actions instead of just promises and words. Let's be realistic and face it. If he were to tell you that he is going to strike a lottery in the near future, then tell me how many probabilities he will strike one? while waiting for him to hit the jackpot, you will be the one left hanging with uncertainties. There's no financial security in one's relationship.

It is partially true when one says that a sexual long term relationship is formed by him + her = US. In fact the accurate equation should be him + her+ them = US. Har? Who are exactly them?
Well the 'them' are actually your family members, relatives and friends. When you are into a long term serious relationship, you wanted to make known to everyone and seek the green light from your parents (and maybe from your siblings) If approval is not given and one insists to continue the relationship, then conflict will arises. If it doesnt, then there should be some existence of disappointments. how one could actually proceed with one's relationship with non-approvals and disagreements? In fact it is a disgrace to the family taken into considerations with what i have mentioned above. This is a no-worth fight. Why make your own life miserable when family members and relative or even friends look down on your partner because of his society status, career and family background? This world is unfair. Deal with it. If your partner cant mix with your own circle of friends, then how he is able to understand you clearly? and here it goes, there's a communication barrier. Why betray your own family members and friends for someone who doesnt deserve it?

A fine lady, of course, expects her partner to treat her like a real fine woman. A true man must know how to keep his woman happy and surround her with laugther and joy. Most importantly, he must know how to shower her with love and provide her the assurance that he will always be there for her no matter what, let's call this 'security' . Threatening your own partner with abuse and physical violence is a no-no, if he does, then he doesnt deserve a woman. A faithful man must give all his attentions to the lady he loves, and no one else. If he doesnt, then it is best to call off the relationship. Yes indeed, do not make your woman cry with sadness, if not, then you have not performed your responsibility well as her man. Sometimes those small details are important. opening the door for your woman, keep her close to you when she's with you, ask her how she feels, be sensitive in whatever she does, be with her during her important days such as b'day and during her times of difficulty. If he doesnt do these, then he is not a true man. A man will always concern his woman's safety and will never put her in danger.
All these duties are actually part of the commitment in a relationship and if these duties have not been performed by the man, then it is also another form of betrayal of trust.

Well, everything has its own time. Maybe your partner had his time to prove himself. And he failed. Maybe he tried, maybe he did, but not enough indicates that it is the end for both of you. Time has proven everything. It doesnt even serve the purpose of maintaining the relationship as it wont go far anymore. It just stuck there, waiting someone to clean up the mess. Maybe someone fated to be your lifetime partner is out there...somewhere waiting for you. God knows. Maybe it is time to start thinking for yourself and your family. There's only one lifetime and it is now, enjoy the things u deserve and fight for the things which are worth fighting for only. Don't waste it. Things could become better after him, it is not the end. You'll have my word. At the same time, it is acceptable to say that it is hard to let go, obviously, one will feel sad & depressed when it comes to separation. But at the end of the day, it is about doing the right thing instead of doing what you feel. It has to be done at the nearest time, as the longer it goes, the deeper the cut. If you ever feel that you don't have the courage to do so, iam always here for you.

posted by David Yuen @ 9:51 AM

2 Comments:

At September 2, 2008 at 8:11 PM, Anonymous said…

Well,I think you remember almost 100% of what I 've told you and I know that this blog is specially wrote based on my real story and your real life experience..In other words, you are actually trying to wake me up and face the reality..Thanks David...I understand what you are trying to tell me. I need some time to take those steps, as u said, I knew it in my heart long ago what is the best for me...Thanks a lot..COURAGE to make a decision which is best for me,TIME is important.Seriously, what u wrote touched my heart, it's like you are able to feel me..Thanks a lot.Glad to know someone like you. =)
At September 3, 2008 at 5:10 AM, David Yuen said…

First of all, you are welcome.
You have already started to move on by accepting what i have written, meaning, you are facing the truth. It is a good sign indeed. Well whatever need to be done is now. The time is now. Just do it. At least if you need someone to have a shoulder to cry on, iam here. Iam glad to know you too. God bless you.