D.A.V.O.L.U.T.I.O.N.I.Z.E.D

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Falling In Love

Falling in love and love are two different things. Falling in love is always the first step towards love. More, falling in love is about attraction and seduction. Trust me, falling in love makes u feel crazy ( yes it will!) and excited while love makes you feel calm, comfortable and mental.

Some say that when you fall in love, there's nothing you can do, it is very illogical indeed. The feeling just hit you and you cant avoid it. Somehow you cant control the feelings you have for the particular person and she/he has the power over you. True? Sometimes it even goes against our belief or our sense even we may understand that we cant expect anything good from it but still cant do anything to ourselves. Personally iam scared to fall in love. Each time I knew that I would fall in love, i would somehow hold back and run away from it. Each time I fall for someone, it never seems to last. As a consequence, it is very hard for me to fall for someone any longer because i knew that it would be useless to do so though there's nothing i could do but the disappointment and the pain were so great until the mood wasnt there for me any longer. Sad case indeed. But with God's grace and mercy, recently I have found someone that I knew that I could spend the rest of my life with. I know I shouldnt have conluded this so fast in truth. However if it is meant to be then yes i truly believe that we are made for each other.

There will be time when the period of falling in love will be over but wait, it is not a bad thing. It can be also a beginning for something more serious..something beautiful and could lasts for a very long time, possibly forever. I have to admit that when a couple gets to know each other more, the less sharp, excited the feeling gets ( but please understand that heady passion may not last, but love does) However this is not the issue here for today. In a stable relationship, expectation will somehow become an issue ( when both decided to go far together) and it has always become a integral part of a relationship. Why not? Afterall, someone who is in love has the full right to have anticipation from his or her loved one. But expectation sometimes can pose serious problems to one's relationship. It is important to give your love partner freedom to fulfill your needs in THEIR OWN best ways. It is always said that the lovers should always communicate their needs and problems with each other. But when it comes to communicating one’s expectations, then most of the people shy away from doing so as they expect their beloveds to themselves find out the expectations and some even view this as a test of their love. For my case, I would prefer being honest and discuss about our expectations and objectives in our relationship with my love partner face to face. The issue here is we have talked about it but no obvious actions have been taken so far. It is not that iam expecting that she will love me the way i love her nor she has to love as much as i love her...NOPE! This is truly not the way a relationship should be. But what i have been expecting is at least she's more sensitive and caring in the way that she would not neglect my feelings in any situations. Erm..I would expect her to have the desire of knowing in everything I do. Maybe she has her own ways of showing her love but is it effective enough? If it is not, does a different approach needed? Maybe in a more aggressive and possessive way? Perhaps? I don't know. But if you were to think about it, those expectations that i have mentioned are some of the fundamental needs of one's relationship...caring and being sensitive to one's feelings. So are these too much to ask? Maybe she never has many words to express herself, but does her action strong enough to strike through my heart and soul? Yes her actions have touched me so deeply in many ways and I just wanted more from her coz it never fails to make me fall in love over again with her.

You can never expect your partner to love as much as you love her/him. This is a very true statement. However it is reasonable to say that your love partner should provide you with a certain acceptable level of love and care if not as much as you feel for him/her. Well everyone has his/her own life besides than playing a role in their relationship but I wish that she would understand that it is important to work out on something so that both of the parties wont feel cold or lonely. Maybe somehow I feel that she has not love me as much as she has loved her previous partner. It is not about egoism nor posession but when you are in a relationship with someone, you would expected him/her to love you with all her/his heart (note: loving you with all her/his heart is not the same with you expecting your partner to love you as much as you love him/her). The question is has she given me as much as she has given to her previous partner? Maybe she has been badly hurt and disappointed by her previous relationship. How would you feel if you have given so much love and hope in a relationship without any expectation but in the end all you got is disappointment and hurt? As a consequence, she has been guarding her heart and not willing to open her heart completely to love even without herself realizing it. I have never blamed her for this. But iam devastated because I feel that I deserve all her love and faith whole heartedly more than anyone else on earth. Right now what i can do is to be there for her, shower with her my love so that she can really feel me so that she could trust me and give me her heart completely. Maybe it will take few days, few months, few years or perhaps never. I dont know. It is solely depending on her. But no matter what, I have decided to love her with all my heart and be there for her through good and bad times. I have never promised her a 'fairy tale' romantic relationship. Yes, we are facing alot of temptation and difficulties in our early stage of our relationship, i have to admit this. But we are happy together while we are journeying together in this relationship no matter what happens. Though sometimes we maybe disappointed and sad with each other, but we know our love is stronger and more powerful than those disappointment and sadness. Our problems are not to break us apart, but working together on our problems in this relationship make us stronger in love.

You see, if she would to ask me what is wrong and what can we do. Erm.. seriously, I dont really know. But can I give a suggestion instead? Many lovers have been complaining that their gestures of love are lost unnoticed at many times and that is what happening to us right now.Many people take the love and affection of their partners for granted. It is the worst mistake that lead their love affair to a chaotic whirlpool. Many people enjoy their loved one roaming around them like a honeybee and covering them with praises. But alas! When the time arises for them to show a sign of affection, their ego simply pulls them away from the action. The issue is we do feel the love for each other but we dont really feel the love that we are capable of giving to each other. It is time to put aside your ago, pride and subbornness and go to your lover, open your heart, look into her/his eyes and tell her/him, ' I love you for the rest of my life and I am willing to give completely my heart, my soul, my body and future to you...and i trust you that you will take good care of me.' This act will bring your lover to express the suppressed emotions and feelings towards you. Miraculously, they will also consider you as the most romantic person on earth.

Before all these, I would like to touch on a related issue briefly. You see, I have to say that words are tools, and words are powerful. When you say something it has a very power impact on someone. Different words have different impacts on different people. Very true indeed. It is good to say, ' I love you' or ' I will leave never you' or perhaps ' til death do us part' and trust me it is very easy to say those words to your loved ones. However, how many people really meant what they say knowing the true impacts of those words to those people they are saying it to? Alot of people saying it without understand the reality as it really is. When they considered whether they mean what they said, they were actually considering those words based on the current situation without putting real thoughts into the future. And even if they do, there are high chances they were fantasizing about the future without seriously feeling it. This imagination is very dangerous, because each one can completely distance him or herself from reality. One may thought that they could handle the temptation (influence), difficulties when they were considering whether those 'words' they said to their loved ones. But when it comes to the point when to finally do or prove what they have been saying, the person discovers that the situation is not the same and he/she cant handle the temptations of difficulties that she thought she could handle. What happens then? A big disappointment. It may also lead to the destruction of one's relationship. So what can one do? Set your mind and heart that your loved one comes first in your life, and no matter how much suffering you are going to bear in the future, and even if it means death, you will still be with your loved one, and if your loved one really loves you, he will balance things up and will never let you down, and love will grow deeper and more sincere in many ways. Trust me, everything starts with an intention and then ACTION.....not just word.

Expectations and dreams add more sizzle to your romantic life. Always encourage your lover to expect something more from you and dream together to make your love life wonderful. This is definately the first step, that is, to have the intention to live your life forever with your loved one. However, do not be disappointed if things doesnt turn out the way you wanted to be just as long you have got sufficient attention from your loved one and you know he has been loving you with all his heart and soul completely. And....this you can expect from him and you will never fall. Afterall, all his attention and love are what you wanted in your relationship and everything will fall to its place nicely.

posted by David Yuen @ 6:32 AM

1 Comments:

At October 16, 2009 at 12:31 AM, Anonymous said…

Linked here from lihui's blogspot. And your blog really look like my dissertation (or longer :) I will read btw :)